Astronauts end up on the moon
Intro
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars." - Les Brown
If you aim high, even if you don't get there, you can probably get pretty damn close, and that's good too. When I grew up, adults like to remind me of this quote (or ones with similar meaning), encouraging me to dream big.
The intention was probably to set me up to do well in life. However, aiming high came with high expectations as well, which then turned into pressure. Some pressure can be good to give you a push, but too much pressure would just crush you.
As I grew up, I realised that aiming high generated more pressure than motivation. Life in general is hard. I acknowledge that I have had many privileges that have helped me in life, but I still find managing my life is not easy. It is not straightforward to get a balance between everything that life demands from us. So, adding "shoot for the moon" on top of that, with its self-imposing pressure, adds a lot of stress.
According to a research on the equation of happiness, one key factor for happiness is lower expectations. If you expect less, it’s easier to be content. In addition, it alleviates the pressure on yourself. In theory, with less pressure, you can perform better in whatever you do. So, with the right approach, wanting less might actually give you more. The best approach that I found is to set up good habits, even small ones, that help you to improve one step at a time.
This shift in perspective has been slowly creeping up on me through different mediums: life experiences, reading books, various videos, and also from working at a place where this way of thinking is championed. For this post, I want to go through the evolution of goal setting from my life experiences and also an approach from a recent book that I read, Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Shooting for the moon
When I was young, aiming high was the norm. In kindergarten, my teacher asked every student in the class what they to do when they grow up. Everyone took turns answering the question. I still remember everyone was encourage to say doctor, pilot, or something of that "high calibre". When it was my turn, I remember that my mind went blank, because I was 5 and did not really know what I wanted to do. I thought flying an airplane must be cool, so I just said pilot.
When I was about to graduate from primary school, I aimed to go to a good middle school, and then to a great high school, and then to the best universities. In hindsight, the main effect on me was the pressure, which was good and bad. It was good because that I felt that I needed to study hard and do well. At the same time, It was bad because... well, I felt that I must study hard and do well.
When I had my first job out of university, I still had this idea of shooting for the moon. Everything else was a stepping stone until I reach my goal of working at a large tech company. My passion (or maybe mere persistence) for "work" was probably at the highest point. I remember insisting to stay at work to finish fixing a bug while my colleagues were saying that I should just go home.
That attitude might sound like a good thing to have. However, it also caused me to burnout, repeatedly. Trying to do my best with only willpower did not really work. Shooting for the moon was quite discouraging when the moon always seem to be far away. Even after all the effort that I put in, It felt like things weren't changing fast enough. Although I had bursts of fuel that sped up my progress, I would also slow down during burnouts. I slowly came to a realisation that I should have been approaching it in a different way.
"Just try harder"
When results don't come quick enough, it's easy to fall into the thought that we are just not doing enough. Even with my burnouts, I thought that if I just worked harder, everything will work out. So, what was my solution to burning out? Just do more. I started my own projects, do some teaching on the side, and various other things.
The way that I approached my projects was adding extra stress. It was a do-or-die approach where I either fully commit a chunk of my evening or weekend on it, or I don't do it at all. This created a huge cloud over my head whenever I spend my time doing anything else. I would be thinking, "instead of relaxing, I should really get on to that project." As you might have experienced, that thought had the opposite effect. It made me not want to do anything at all, not relaxing, not doing my projects, but procrastinate instead.
“Too much concern about how well one is doing in a task sometimes disrupts performance by loading short-term memory with pointless anxious thoughts“
- Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
It is pretty obvious in hindsight, but combating burnout with doing more things just causes more burnout. Yet again, I needed a different approach.
The race to the moon is a marathon
After realising burnout is the core issue, I went to the other side of the spectrum. I decided to not doing anything extra at all. I stopped all of my other commitments, and focused solely on my daytime job. On top of that, I tried to take more leave regularly, even when I don't have any trips planned. I did my best to not think about "goals" when I'm on my off time. I thought that if I just avoid burnout, I can last enough to the point where I can eventually reach the moon.
However, this theory alone wasn't enough. I do still think about aiming high at work. I still feel overwhelmed and anxious about it. Arguably it was even worse, instead having that feeling spread out through out the day, I concentrated it during work hours. I was on the right path on the ideology, but I didn't have the right implementation.
Start by being an astronaut
In the book “Atomic Habits”, James Clear described atomic habits as small habits, good or bad, that might feel insignificant, but actually can compound into a great effect. This is the approach that I needed, both practically and mentally.
“Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become.”
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
The book has many interesting insights into building habits. In one chapter, it was explained that an effective way to develop long lasting habits is to start with an identity. Decide on the kind of person that you want to be, then figure out what habits does that sort of person would have. For example, decide that you are a fit person, then when you are a making decision on whether or not to eat that extra piece of cake, think about which one a fit person would choose.
Similarly, this can be applied to shooting for the moon. Instead of having the goal as the anchor, use an identity instead. Make decisions in the ways astronauts would, then we’ll end up on the moon.
Starting with an identity is powerful. We often have goals because we are not satisfied with our current situation and wanted a change. It means that to reach the goal, we need to expend willpower for the change. However, as discussed before, willpower is a finite resource. So, instead, start with an identity by deciding that from this point on, I am an X kind of person. We are not attempting to change something, we are just naturally doing what an X person would be doing.
One example is this blog! I had a goal to have a blog with lots of great posts. When I finally gathered the willpower to start this blog in January, I overwhelmed myself with providers to choose, the design of it, and everything else… except for writing posts. It took awhile after that to finally sit down and write the first post from start to finish. Then, it was quite hard to find the motivation to do the next ones. This is when I shifted my perspective from wanting to have a blog to: I am a writer. I made a habit to write everyday as part of my night routine, even if it’s only a sentence. And the result is all of the blog posts so far, including this one!
Outro
When I was young, shooting for the moon felt like the only right thing to do. I thought I could not move forward if I don't aim very far away. However, in recent times, I have learned that it is not the case. The path to the moon is not a race, it is a marathon. Building good habits to move an inch at a time is a great way to sustain yourself for the long run. A good way to build good habits is to shift from having the moon as the goal to starting from an identity, start from being an astronaut.
See you on the moon! (Or on the way there)